


It's Yours If You Hurry (You've Got Still Enough Time)

by easilydistractedbyfanfic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cussing, Episode Related, F/M, Fluffy Angst, I dunno it's one of those, Jealousy, Missing Scene, Murphy & Raven being unable to say no to Jordan, Pining Murphy, Slightly Unaware Raven, Spoilers through 6x04, What-If, angsty fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 12:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18992767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easilydistractedbyfanfic/pseuds/easilydistractedbyfanfic
Summary: Raven takes Ryker up on that invitation to the Castle, but her evening goes differently than she expected when Murphy arrives. Spoilers through 6x04, a "What If" to lead into 6x05, maybe.





	It's Yours If You Hurry (You've Got Still Enough Time)

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know. I'm writing something new instead of finishing my WIPs. I feel guilty, believe me! But the muse wants what the muse wants, and it wanted jealous Murphy, Raven in a pretty dress and them getting to talk. Plus I just hit 350 followers on tumblr (come follow me at @easilydistractedbyfanfic), so let's consider this my celebration fic for that! I gotta give reluctant props to JRoth since I read that he chose "This Is The Sea" for Murphy to sing. I know this song well and really couldn't have picked a better "Murphy" song, IMHO. Title taken directly from the lyrics.

  

Now I can see you wavering  
As you try to decide  
You've got a war in your head  
And it's tearing you up inside  
You're trying to make sense  
Of something that you just can't see  
Trying to make sense now  
And you know you once held the key  
But that was the river  
And this is the sea!

Now I hear there's a train  
It's coming on down the line  
It's yours if you hurry  
You've got still enough time  
And you don't need no ticket  
And you don't pay no fee  
No you don't need no ticket  
You don't pay no fee  
Because that was the river  
And this is the sea!

 

Running her hand lingeringly over the seat of the motorcycle, Raven considers the invitation Ryker offered her. He could get her into the Castle for the party tonight, for Delilah’s ‘Naming Day’ - whatever the hell that is - and it’s more appealing than she might have first expected.

 

 _It was working on the motorcycle_ , she thinks, _it’s why I don’t feel so upset anymore_. The years on the Ring, the whole time on Earth before that…that had all been about emergencies, getting things done with a deadly clock ticking down every last minute, constantly filled with pressure and stress. Finn had once told her, after she’d broken up with him, that when she was really mad, she’d always find a project so she didn’t punch someone in the face. He wasn’t wrong, but back then she’d been upset with him for so many other reasons and had denied it. Now, though, she could feel the difference in her temper and how much more calm she felt after a project that had been because she wanted to instead of she had to. The last time she’d worked on something enjoyable, something that brought her pleasure, had probably been the Rover, so many years ago and so far away. But the motorcycle had reminded her of the feeling, and there was a part of her that didn’t want it to end, despite the twinge of guilt she felt for feeling any kind of happiness at all after losing her friends, the disastrous takeover of the E-IV, what had happened to Shaw, to Murphy...

 

Sighing, she turns off the light in the workshop and closes the door behind her. She did feel lighter, better than she’s felt since Bellamy first woke her up and she was blissfully unaware of the years that had passed and the horrible knowledge that Harper and Monty were gone. Since then, well, since then she doesn’t really even want to think about it for a little while. Maybe a party would help to extend the sense of peace she’s feeling, or even better, bring a spark of hope about the future they might all be able to have here. She walks alone down the darkened, deserted pathways back to the tavern where they’ve all been given rooms. Delilah and her family had offered plenty of clothes, and Raven is sure she can find something appropriate.

 

***

 

Half an hour later, she’s standing nervously inside the wide doorway, the party in full swing in front of her. The music is loud, the lights are like nothing she’s seen before and hurt her eyes, and it’s all so overwhelming she’s tempted to turn right around and forget the whole impulse that brought her here. It’s too late though, because Jordan has spotted her, and he’s pulling Delilah through the crowd, the big smile on his face sending a pang to her heart as she’s reminded of Harper and Monty.

 

“You made it!” Jordan throws one arm around her in a brief hug, refusing to let go of Delilah.

 

“I’m so glad you came, Raven.” Delilah reaches for Raven’s hand and squeezes it between both of her own. “It’s so exciting to have new guests at my Naming Day, and you look wonderful.”

 

Raven looks down at the long, multicolored green dress she’d chosen. The shades blended together and the dress was soft, plus it had fit better than some of the others. But she still feels vaguely uncomfortable in it, both because she’s used to her pants and prefers them, and because she feels too exposed. Still, it’s clear the dress makes her blend in with everyone at the party, and the various leaf tones are reminiscent of all the plants on Earth she’d been so intrigued by.

 

“You know, my Dad used to say ‘green is good’, and he’d for sure say that about that dress,” Jordan grins, as Raven digs her fingernails into her palm to avoid getting emotional.

 

“He did say that, I know. I wish they could have met you, Delilah. Jordan’s parents were more than just my friends, they were my family, too.” She gets the words out without cracking, and then her wistful mood is broken by a few loud whoops and yells from nearby as a faster, more exciting song starts up.

 

“Please, help yourself to the banquet, Raven! Everything is delicious but make sure to try some of the desserts - we really go all out on Naming Day and you don’t want to miss them!”

 

Smiling at Delilah’s enthusiasm, Raven nods. “Thanks, I’ll be sure to do that. You two go enjoy yourselves - I can see Jordan’s desperate to get back onto the dance floor.”

 

They both laugh but Jordan doesn’t deny it, and Raven watches as they smoothly merge back in amongst the other party guests. She looks around the room again, her head faintly pounding from the music as she walks closer to a table where they’re serving drinks. Ryker had mentioned wine, and if it was anything like what she’d tasted long ago during the feast that Lexa had held in the Trikru village where they’d later tortured her, then she wanted some.

 

Once she has a glass in her hand, she sticks to the edges of the room, searching for Bellamy and Echo, or maybe even Ryker to let him know she took him up on his offer. The wine is rich and full, nothing at all like the bitter algae alcohol that Monty figured out how to brew for them during their years in space, but Raven’s feeling nostalgic enough to actually miss it in that moment, shaking her head firmly as if she could knock the thought out of her mind. She sees Bellamy sitting at a table in the slightly quieter area off the dance floor, and starts heading in his direction until she notices that he and Echo seem to be caught up in a private conversation, both of them looking tense. Raven moves away, not wanting to interrupt, and discovers a little alcove behind a tall display of flowers.

 

Moving closer, she’s delighted to see that it leads to a tiny balcony off to the side of the Castle’s exterior, providing a different view than the main stairway she’d entered from. There’s two small tables and a few chairs, and while she can still hear the music pulsing through the floor, it’s muffled and at least the spinning lights are gone. She pulls a chair out and sits down, taking in the sky that looks so different from Earth and the space she’s familiar with.

 

Lost in thought, she doesn’t notice Ryker joining her until he’s pulling out the chair opposite her. “Delilah said she saw you arrive, but you were hiding back here on your own and it took a little while to find you.”

 

Grinning self-consciously, Raven shrugs a shoulder in response. “It was getting too loud, but I do like the wine. Thanks for the invitation.”

 

“Of course. They cut into the cake a little while ago, so I brought you a piece so you wouldn’t miss it.” Ryker gestures to a small plate he’d placed on the table behind them, a thick wedge of cake lying on top.

 

“Thank you. I’m sure it’s delicious.” Raven scours her brain for something safe to talk about, knowing that all the things she wants to ask - about what Naming Day is, about who Ryker’s mother, Priya, was and what it means for her to ‘come back’, about why there are so many younger children here and what kind of technology they have - are all topics that Bellamy and Clarke said they would handle. It chafes, being told she can’t talk about something, but the rational part of her does understand it. They’re on tenuous ground here, needing permission to stay, and they’ve already learned there are deadly aspects of this environment where they have no knowledge and have to rely on the information and remedies from those living under the dome. She’d been relieved, at first, when Kaylee had led them to the little village and she’d seen Clarke, Bellamy and Murphy laying on the ground. Abby had run over, and Bellamy and Clarke had stirred soon after, but Murphy… He’d been far too still, and when Abby had urgently yelled about how he wasn’t breathing, Raven had felt frozen to her spot in the dirt. If not for that snake, he’d have been gone, and Raven still couldn’t quite wrap her brain around it. His life had been saved by what the people here knew. No matter how much it frustrates her, there was no way she was going to be the one to endanger their chances here if she could help it, and if that meant biting her tongue, it was a small price to pay, all things considered.

 

The awkward silence stretches, and Ryker finally asks her about engines and how she’d learned to work on them. She sighs in relief as she begins to answer, noticing how Ryker leans closer, so she raises her voice a little so he can hear her over the still noticeable sounds of the music wafting through the doorway.

 

***

 

Murphy trudges silently up the side path towards the Castle, slightly annoyed with himself for volunteering to go even though it was no one’s fault but his own. He’d spent a big chunk of the day at the Gagarin, along with Emori, Miller and Jackson. Gaia and Madi had been training there, and he didn’t know what the rest of them had been up to, but he’d wanted away from the watchful eyes at the tavern while so many people had been preparing for some kind of celebration. He’d spent his time alone, in one of the small bunk rooms, reading an unfamiliar book from the people living on Sanctum. It had taken his mind off things for a while, but he’d decided he wanted another drink, so he’d ventured out into the public spaces of the Gagarin just in time for Madi to ask him to walk her back to the tavern since Clarke had her on a strict curfew. Gaia had eyed him questioningly, saying she had to finish something before she herself could return Madi to her room there, and Madi didn’t want to be late. Rolling his eyes, he’d given in, because no matter what else was brewing under the surface for all of them, everyone was in agreement that Madi wasn’t to be left on her own until they knew more about what was happening here.

 

They’d walked back to the village without talking, but Murphy didn’t think Madi minded. He’d gone up the steps with her to check the room Madi was sharing with Clarke, but it was empty when they opened the door. They’d gone back downstairs, Murphy helping himself to a drink at the deserted bar, and Madi had gotten increasingly more agitated as time had passed and Clarke hadn’t shown up. He was about to walk her back to the transport ship so he could go look around when Gaia had walked in, apparently finished with her tasks, and once Madi had explained what was going on, he’d opened his big mouth and told Gaia and Madi to go back to the Gagarin while he went up to the Castle, saying that Clarke had probably just lost track of time. Gaia had met his eyes though, the two of them exchanging a look of understanding, and Murphy was fully aware that no matter how pissed off he was at Clarke lately, she wouldn’t have forgotten about Madi.

 

So here he is, disrupting his prime drinking-and-emotional-avoidance time in order to haul ass to a goddamned _castle_. Pretty much the last thing he wants to do is go to a party of any kind, and as he sticks to the shadows along the lesser-used path that meanders along the back and side of the pink monstrosity, he decides he’s finding Bellamy first just so he can mouth off about how annoyed he’s feeling. Might as well get some pleasure out of his night gone-wrong, and Bellamy’s feeling so guilty about what the psychosis made him do that he’ll listen to whatever Murphy wants to dish out. He won’t take it too far, because it wasn’t really Bellamy’s fault, but he’s got to find a way to vent some of this anger somehow or he’s going to explode.

 

He looks up as he hears a masculine voice talking, pausing against the outer wall of the massive structure instinctively. The music’s been getting progressively louder as he’s gotten closer to the festivities, but he can still make out some of the words coming from the space above him and to his left. There’s a see-through railing along the edge of the balcony, and there’s no mistaking Raven is one of the two people sitting up there, even from this distance. He’d recognize her profile from much farther away, honestly, though since she’s leaving her hair down lately he’s had to adjust his mental image of her. Either way, it’s impossible not to notice her. The guy isn’t someone he recognizes, and although he knows he needs to get started on finding Clarke, he lurks in the darkness, wanting to make sure Raven’s alright and not being bothered. They’re seated with a table in between them, but the man is leaning in, and even as Murphy looks on, the guy scoots his chair closer to Raven. His eyes narrow as he strains his ears, hearing enough to know they’re talking about motorcycles, and just as he’s feeling his shoulders relax that it’s nothing serious, Raven laughs. An actual, genuine laugh that he hasn’t heard since he managed to convince her to let loose and play soccer during their time alone on the Eligius IV. They sure as hell hadn’t had anything to laugh about on Earth that last time, that was for sure. And it’s not as though he’s not happy to hear it, because he is. She’s had too many losses, especially lately, to begrudge her anything that pleases her. The thought doesn’t stop his hands curling into fists, however, that some unknown stranger is the one to make her respond like that.

 

It probably shouldn’t be a surprise. She’s always picking up strays, even with her prickly demeanor on full display, and he has no right to be mad about it, not when her intuition about people is usually correct. She’d convinced Luna not to run, he knew that, and the whole plan they’d figured out for the nightblood would have worked if not for that last-minute loss of fuel that had fucked them all over back in Becca’s lab. Raven had seen something good in Shaw as well, and much as he just couldn’t find his way to liking the guy, he had saved them by knowing the code to the dome. Murphy squints up at the balcony again, trying to get a good look at who she’s talking to. The impression he gets reminds him of Finn, actually, and that’s no compliment now that he knows Raven and has heard more of her stories. Raven might still have considered Finn family after all he’d put her through, but Murphy didn’t think he deserved to be let off the hook so easy. Which of course was hypocritical of him, he knew that, but damn, at least he knew how to be loyal. With his luck this new asshole will end up being useful somehow too, he just knows it, and he’ll be stuck watching whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is follow Raven around everywhere with his heart on his sleeve until Murphy just wants to punch him.

 

 _Ridiculous_ , he berates himself, well aware he has no claim to Raven or her time. But it isn’t the first moment he’s felt this way, and as he starts walking towards the main entrance of the Castle again, he knows it won’t be the last.

 

***

 

Sticking to his plan, he passes Jordan and Delilah on the dance floor, sliding by them unnoticed, and instead finds Bellamy and Echo first, giving them an earful about how he had other things to do with his night other than chasing everyone down. Bellamy just lets him ramble on, but they both look worn out, and Murphy wonders what has gone on between them, deliberately cutting his rant short. They do tell him that Clarke was at the celebration earlier, dancing with that doctor who had provided the snake bite cure for the seaweed that had apparently poisoned him. Echo confesses they’ve been at their table for a while and haven’t seen her since she left the dance floor, but Bellamy nods towards Jordan, saying he might know more and that Bellamy will ask. They both agree to look around the premises for Clarke, and then make their way back to the tavern to check in. Murphy says he’ll grab Jordan and he’ll find Raven since she’s around somewhere, though Echo and Bell both seem perplexed that she’s been at the party and they haven’t seen her. He could tell them she’s hiding out, having found a more private space for herself apart from this pulsating music, but he doesn’t want to give her away. Besides, he said he’d find her, not that he’d do it immediately. He figures if he’s come all this way, he might as well have a drink. And in any case, might as well let Jordan enjoy his night for a little longer while he’s at it.

 

Murphy watches as his friends each take opposite perimeters, deciding he’s passed the torch of duty and has earned himself a break. This time he purposely gets Jordan’s attention, motioning him over to the bar area as Murphy orders two drinks.

 

“Hey, Murphy! I didn’t know you were coming to the party too!” Jordan jogs over, his face shiny with sweat and cheerfulness, prompting Murphy to marvel yet again how much this kid looks like his parents. Jordan looks him up and down, taking in Murphy’s black t-shirt and pants, a slightly disappointed expression crossing his features. “You didn’t dress up though.”

 

“I don’t dress up, and I’m not here now, so don’t spread it around, alright? Listen, while I know you’re plenty old enough to make your own decisions, I’m asking you not to leave this room without telling me first.” He jerks his head over to where Raven’s balcony is, explaining to Jordan that he’ll be over there if he needs to be found.

 

He’s relieved when Jordan agrees, though he’s obviously a little confused by the request. It doesn’t keep Jordan from bounding back onto the dance floor and claiming Delilah from a guy who looks a little familiar, come to think of it. It’s the same guy who was talking to Raven before, Murphy’s sure. He unobtrusively observes as the guy turns towards another woman, grabbing her hand and spinning her as Jordan and Delilah sway together. He’s around their age, Murphy thinks, and looks harmless enough, but everyone knows by now that looks can be deceiving. He stares for a minute or two more before he grabs the drinks off the bar and heads towards Raven.

 

Pausing in the narrow doorway, his eyes rake over her. No longer in the chair, she’s leaning against the railing with her back to him, her dress and hair lightly blowing in the wind as she looks up at the sky. Earlier, he hadn’t known what she’d been wearing, unable to see due to the dark and his position down below. There’s lanterns lit up here, enough to illuminate the space, and this near he can see that it’s a long gown made up of shades of green. The part of the back that isn’t covered by her hair is crossed in an X over her shoulders, everything else left bare. He takes a deep breath and steps closer.

 

“You up for some company?”

 

Her head spins casually to look over her shoulder, an encouraging grin spreading over her face. It’s been a long time since she hasn’t been at least partially pleased to see him, and he’s reminded just how far they’ve come when he realizes he’s learned to take that for granted.

 

“Well, since it looks like you come bearing gifts,” she lifts her chin at the glass of wine in his hand, “I’d be a fool to turn you down.”

 

“I didn’t know what you would want, so this was my best guess.” He hands her the glass, joining her at the railing, and her fingers brush gently over his as she takes it from him. His own glass contains the amber-colored alcohol he discovered earlier, a little bitter but a far improvement over Monty’s algae concoction.

 

“You did good. I drank a glass earlier and liked it.” She points to the empty wineglass on the table behind her, and Murphy notices a large slice of cake next to it, untouched. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”

 

“I didn’t expect to come. I wouldn’t have, except Madi was worried when Clarke didn’t show up at her curfew. I set Bellamy and Echo on the trail to find her, and it’s probably just a matter of her losing track of time. They both saw her earlier; she probably already left to head back to the tavern, so I’m considering myself off the hook for a little while.”

 

From the corner of his eye, he can see Raven’s eyebrow arch when he mentions Clarke’s name. He knows it’s a sore spot for them both, but she doesn’t comment. It’ll have to be a conversation soon, probably, but he’s in no hurry. They stand side by side, separated by just a few inches, but the quiet is the good kind as far as he’s concerned. He doesn’t feel any pressure to talk, never does when they’re together, though this time it occurs to him that he should say something about Shaw. It had gotten lost in the chaos of everything else that had been going on, and this was the first chance he’d been able to be alone with her since she came down to the surface. He starts trying to figure out how to word something that sounds both sincere and respectful when Raven bumps his arm with her elbow and speaks, her voice lowered.

 

“What do you think of this place?” Her eyes are dark and serious as they meet his, but he knows her, can read into her tone and expression and the way she emphasizes the word ‘you’ in her question, and he understands what she’s really asking.

 

He turns his head to face her, glancing over his own shoulder behind them before answering. He’d rather not ruin her mood, truth be told, but she’s always given him the urge to be honest and that’s no different now. “I think we need to be ready to get the hell out of here at a moment’s notice, that’s what I think.”

 

She nods slowly, unsurprised at his reply, but she doesn’t turn away for a few long beats as they stare at each other. Finally she looks back out over the darkened fields, taking a long gulp of her wine before speaking again. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but Bellamy told me what happened, with that eclipse.” Her eyes dart to his once more, nervous instead of her usual bravado. “I know how it feels, to drown, I mean. So if you do want to talk, we can.”

 

It’s not hard to see that it costs her something, to extend that offer, and it makes him wonder if she still has nightmares about it. All of a sudden, it’s important that she knows how much he appreciates her willingness to make herself vulnerable, so he lays his hand on top of hers where it’s resting on the balcony railing, squeezing lightly.

 

“You’re right, I’m not ready to talk about it, but if I get there, you’ll know.”

 

Raven twists her hand upright, flattening her palm against his and linking their fingers. The contact sends a prickle of awareness through him that he works to hide. Oblivious, she squeezes much more tightly than he did, so he’s pretty sure she gets the message he’s trying to send. “I should have been down here, with the rest of you. Maybe I could have helped somehow.”

 

Murphy doesn’t know if she’s talking about Shaw, or about the psychosis, or even if she just means she resented being left behind. Remembering how they’d had to run from that damned swarm of bugs, how even Emori had fallen with the fast pace and chaos and that it was his fault Raven would never have been able to keep up with that, it’s no wonder his tone is vehement when he denies it. “No! It was better that you weren’t, believe me. Don’t feel guilty, thinking that there was something you could have done, because no one could have anticipated what happened. We were all affected by that eclipse, and even though I think I got the least of it, seeing the others...no, it was good you weren’t here.”

 

Emori trying to kill him had been bad enough - he knew he’d hurt her in the course of their relationship, and Bellamy drowning him wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on either, but fuck, Raven had more reason to hate him than either of them, and if he’d had to see her turn on him too, well he wanted no part of that, his stomach knotting at just the suggestion.

 

Perceptively, Raven must pick up on at least some of his thoughts as she angles her body towards him. “They both feel awful about it, you know. Emori told me you’d have every right to hate her. I said she was being stupid.”

 

He grins at Raven’s bluntness. Leave it to her to shove him out of his negative thoughts. “We talked about it. Bellamy and Emori both know I don’t think it was their fault.” He considers whether he should continue, but a part of him wants to know Raven’s opinion, so he unburdens a little. “Me and Emori have been whittling away at each other’s trust since the Ring. We broke up there for good reason. But circumstances keep making us drift back towards each other because it’s familiar, not because either of us actively _want_ to be together. I think she and I both agree with that. We’ll always care, but it’s the default, you know?”

 

“I get that.”

 

The look on her face has him curious about what she’s thinking, but she doesn’t explain further. Irritably, he weighs whether it’s more likely she’s thinking of Finn, Wick or Shaw, and decides he doesn’t like any of the options. He takes another sip of his drink, looking out across the landscape until he feels a slight tug on his hand, Raven pulling his attention back to her.

 

“Murphy, did you like Shaw?”

 

That’s unexpected, and he struggles to find words, well aware it’s complicated on his end and she has no idea. He lifts his shoulders helplessly. “I mean, that’s not really… I barely knew the guy.”

 

A strangled noise comes from her throat and he shifts closer, concerned. It’s not a cry though, more like a pained laugh, though her fingers wrap tighter along his and her eyes are glassy.

 

“That’s the thing, isn’t it? I barely knew him either. I’m upset that he’s gone, I am, but it doesn’t come close to how much I miss Harper and Monty and how awful I feel that they’re not here. Feeling sad and guilty all the time just doesn’t get any easier, does it?”

 

She raises her wet eyes to his, practically begging for answers he’s never had and likely never will. He lets go of her hand and leans over, taking her mostly empty glass from her grasp. Shifting his weight sideways, he’s able to set both their drinks onto the table behind them before tugging her into the hug she so obviously needs. Raven comes into his arms willingly, without a second thought, and it’s not long before he feels hot tears soak into the fabric of his shirt near his neck. It’s quiet, her crying, and while he thinks it might make her feel better if she let herself be loud and irrational instead, this way he does know she’ll hear him.

 

“You knew Monty and Harper for something like seven years, Raven. Saw them practically every day while we were stuck on the Ring. We survived together and they were family. Of course you’re going to mourn for them more than someone you didn’t know very long and maybe not very well either. But no one, including Shaw, is going to think less of you for that. He wanted you to be happy, not feeling guilty.”

 

He feels her nod, her soft hair sliding against his cheek. She stays pressed against him for long minutes, her tears still flowing as the music continues to throb through the doorway and radiates through the floor. What started out as a way for him to give her comfort evolves into an acute awareness of her body under his hands. They’ve hugged before - not a lot, but enough in six years for it not to be weird now. They’d had more than their share of this-close-to-death-moments in space where the sheer terror of not knowing if they’d survive yet another crisis was enough to have them all drinking and hugging in relief, even him. He won’t lie to himself that hugging Raven feels the same as those instances where he’d hugged Echo or Harper though. No, it’s the bare skin of Raven’s warm back under his fingers that sends his heart pumping harder, blood rushing through his veins. It’s her hips nestled near his, her arms snug as they stretch up his back and to his shoulders, pulling him close, and her scent that will stick with him. It’s too much, and he takes a half-step backwards, his hands drifting down to her waist to set her apart from him so he can compose himself before things get obvious.

 

She looks dismayed at his abrupt withdrawal, and he regrets that, especially when she sniffs to hold her tears at bay and refuses to look at him, her eyes downcast. He probably made her feel embarrassed, he’s such an idiot, and in his rush to fix it he doesn’t think, just steps forward and cradles her jaw in his hands, using his thumbs to gently brush the wet tracks from her cheeks. Raven stills beneath his touch, brown eyes wide and bewildered.

 

Dropping his hands from her face, he wipes them against his pants, cursing himself internally. Nothing like making things worse, but then, he’s never been one to stay out of trouble. He clears his throat and waves his hand awkwardly at the plate next to them. “Monty would never forgive us if we wasted that. You remember how he liked to taunt us that we should just think about chocolate cake as we were eating that algae sludge he called food. And then he’d laugh evilly because oh yeah, most of us had never had any.”

 

Raven’s eyes narrow, and for a second he thinks she’s going to demand to know what’s going on, but then her face softens and she smiles at him, a sincere one, and he’d give almost anything to know why when she gives in and lets him get away with it.  

 

“I guess we shouldn’t let him down then.” She slips back into her chair and uses the fork to cut off a piece of the dense cake, humming in pleasure as she takes a bite, licking a smear of blue icing off the fork in the process. When she’s got it all, she lays the fork on the plate and pushes it across the table where he’s taken a seat of his own.

 

Mindful of the fact that her tongue was just wrapped around said fork, he picks it up as casually as he can, unwilling to give her the upper hand by declining to share with her. He spears his own bite, determined not to give this more weight than he should. The cake is delicious, but he suspects the company plays a big part. When he shoves the plate over to her again, she starts going on about the motorcycle she repaired earlier as she eats, and though he knows they’re lingering too long at this point, he can’t bring himself to care much even if it makes Bellamy mad. He’ll talk his way out of it, he’s good at that, and anyway, if the rest of their group knew Raven had been crying they’d probably be relieved about it since she too often bottled things up or let it only come out disguised as anger.

 

He knows her though, knows how her anger hides so much hurt, and it was better for everyone that she’d let herself feel her grief while he held her, but most of all it was better for her. Already she seems lighter, although he supposes it could be the cake lifting her spirits. As she mentions the guy she calls Ryker - a Prime no less, who let her tinker with his motorcycle, damn it, and what kind of stupid name is Ryker - he cuts off a bigger mouthful so he doesn’t have to speak and can instead nod along. She frowns at him, and grabs the plate before he can take more, snagging the fork out of his hand so she can sneak two quick bites before the slice is gone. It occurs to him, as she continues explaining about Ryker and how his mother is supposedly this Priya that Delilah’s Naming Day is for, that even though this new guy Ryker might have made her laugh, Raven lets him see a lot more of who she really is, and he wouldn’t trade that for anything.

 

***

 

Raven swipes her finger across the small plate, scooping up the last glob of icing that remained before sucking it into her mouth. The cake was too good to let any of it go to waste, and besides, Murphy wouldn’t care about her bad table manners. She watches her unexpected company as his gaze leaves hers and he stands to gather up their glasses, taking a last sip from his own as she gets up with the now-empty dish to follow behind him.

 

Her evening hadn’t gone anything like she’d predicted, but she wasn’t sorry about any of it. It ended up exceeding her expectations, and she was glad she had made the decision to come to the festivities, even if she did have to wear a dress for it. Getting to spend time with Murphy was an unanticipated bonus since she felt like she’d barely talked to him once they were awakened and then split up as he came down to Sanctum first. With everything that had happened, to Shaw, to him, to herself, even… It made sense that they hadn’t had time for each other but that didn’t mean she hadn’t missed him.

 

Not that long ago, in her mind, at least, the seven of them had been on the Ring, hardly able to escape each other’s company even when they’d been desperate to. They’d gone back to Earth for a handful of days, miserable, rotten days, really, but for a lot of it she’d still had Murphy with her, and she still wasn’t used to no longer practically tripping over one of her friends whenever she turned around. After all of them had ranted and raved about wanting some peace and quiet and alone time, now that she’d experienced some, she found herself wishing people would come pester her again.

 

Probably at least part of the reason they weren’t was due to her snappishness lately, she was self-aware enough to know that. She was just so angry after Earth - the torture, the worry, the take-off from the burning planet, the knowledge that she’d only learned after the fact that she’d been willing to leave without Monty, Emori and Murphy onboard, of all people… Honestly she was probably more angry with Clarke for not telling her about that than even the betrayal to McCreary. The betrayal - she could understand it if Clarke thought that really was her best way to protect Madi. She didn’t agree with it, but she could understand it. Clarke might even be surprised that Raven could ultimately shrug that one off. Things had been fucked up on Earth and filled with miscommunications on everyone's part, but if she’d taken off and left her best friend and family members behind… Anyway, it still tied her stomach in knots just thinking about it. If she had known the real reasons why Bellamy was refusing to come inside, she’d have sat there as long as she had to along with him.

 

Add to it all the crazy length of time they’d been sleeping, a whole new solar system, the loss of two of her family members and the gain of an adult one… her headlong rush into being intimate with Shaw and his death, the insane partnership with Diyoza to take back their ship and then the absolute panic and fear that Murphy had left her too...Seriously, it was a wonder she was still a functioning human being at this point, Raven figured, and if she was walking around like something of a spewing volcano, all fire and ash, well at least she was still walking around.

 

She shakes her head, in too relaxed a mood now to want to rehash the past, no matter how recent it still feels to her, and Murphy stops near the edge of the dance floor, taking the plate from her and jerking his head towards Jordan and Delilah, still full of energy as they dance without a care.

 

“You get to be the one to tell him he has to leave now,” Murphy smirks down at her, and she might be annoyed about it if she hadn’t already decided she’s so relieved he’s alive, in front of her and capable of being smug instead of the image in her head of him lying unmoving on that hard ground, much too pale and lifeless. Not that she plans to tell him, but he’s probably going to get his way for a while as far as she’s concerned.

 

“Fine, I’ll be the bad guy, but you owe me one,” Raven retorts, and she can feel his eyes on her as she weaves her way through the writhing bodies dancing around her. A few people, men and women alike, try to pull her into their orbit, but that’s not what she’s here for, and as she reaches Jordan, she pulls him a little to the side so she can speak more privately into his ear.

 

They have a short discussion, Jordan clearly unwilling to give in, and Raven eventually gets back to Murphy after politely but firmly removing quite a few wandering hands as she tried to escape the dancers on her return. Murphy’s left the empty dishes behind, a new glass in his hand, and he downs it quickly once she’s at his side, looking at her expectantly.

 

“Don’t tell me you actually lost an argument,” Murphy teases. “Or wait, maybe Aunt Raven’s just a pushover with a soft center when it comes to Jordan.”

 

“Shut up! It’s not like I saw you volunteering to do it, and anyway, he made a few good points.” Raven knows Jordan won this round, but it was hard not to at least want to give him what he wanted. “Delilah told him the ceremony for her Naming Day starts in about forty-five minutes. I figure that gives us enough time to go to the tavern and check in, and if Clarke’s there then someone can come right back here and keep an eye on Jordan again. Or, if she’s not there, we still have time to go to the Gagarin and see if she went there to get Madi. On the off chance Clarke isn’t there either, then we’d at least be getting Emori, Miller and Jackson on the hunt, and that means someone could come straight back here for Jordan before the ceremony. He promised not to leave this room until then, and while I don’t love it, he is an adult and I don’t think it’s fair of us to try and put boundaries on him that we don’t have. He’s having a good time, just look at him.”

 

Raven cranes her neck towards Jordan and Delilah, missing the fact that Murphy keeps his gaze on her as she does so. When she’s satisfied that Murphy isn’t going to argue with her decision to let Jordan stay, she turns back to face him and he shrugs one shoulder rakishly.

 

“Alright. I don’t really want to say no to him either, but if you repeat that I’ll deny it,” he warns as he starts to walk towards the main entrance. “And if Bellamy tries to give you shit about it, I’ll distract him with a coughing fit. I already made him believe I keep doing it because of all the water I inhaled getting into my lungs. It works real well to shut him up once he starts a lecture.”

 

“Murphy! You can’t do that to Bellamy!” A part of her wants to laugh, actually, because it’s just like Murphy to take advantage of something horrible, and if he’s capable of making a joke about it, then he’s really not holding a grudge and that makes her happy.

 

“Sure I can. We’ve gotta get our kicks where we can, Reyes, so don’t go denying me what little fun I have left.”

 

They reach a crowded spot in the party, and she feels Murphy’s hand rest lightly on her lower back to guide her ahead of him. When he hugged her earlier, it had sent a little jolt sparking through her, his fingers on her bare skin, but she’d chalked it up just to being unused to anyone having access to her body like that. It happens this time too, heat flaring under his fingertips, and the sensation confuses her enough that she doesn’t say anything witty in response to his last comment.

 

Her mind flits back to that embrace, and how it had just felt so easy to let go and cry in Murphy’s presence. Strange, considering when she’d been alone in the tiny room she’d been assigned to sleep in, it had felt like ages before she could give in to her emotions and weep. And she had felt better afterwards with him too, wrung-out and relaxed, even counting that weird moment where he’d hastily pushed her away and left her feeling self-conscious. Then he’d reassuringly wiped her tears off her face and she hadn’t felt embarrassed any longer, although she thought maybe he had been at the tenderness he’d shown her. She had mulled it over for a few seconds, debating about teasing him or making a remark, because that’s what they did, how their relationship worked. But she’d promptly dismissed the idea, both liking that he was unguarded with her like she could be with him and hopeful that maybe if she let it go, he’d open up to her about whatever it was that he’d seen while he’d been unconscious. Emori had told her about it, how he’d woken up while she’d been out traipsing around those stupid woods, and she’d hated that, that she wasn’t there to soothe him or at least offer herself up as a target for his sarcasm so he’d feel more like himself. But no one else could fly the Gagarin, and as usual, a simple task had turned into a much bigger issue, and by the time she’d returned he’d decided that alcohol was the way to self-medicate. They were all going to have to keep an eye on that, Raven knew, especially because after Monty’s hardcore mixture and their years on the Ring drinking it, Murphy probably had a high tolerance level. She wouldn’t let him take it too far, that was for sure. One moment of actually thinking Murphy was gone had been more than enough for her.

 

Sighing softly, her head occupied with other things, Raven isn’t paying as much attention as she should as she and Murphy start down the long curved stairs at the front of the Castle. Her foot catches on the edge of her dress, and she stumbles even though her hand is holding the railing. Murphy is quick to steady her, his hand firmly grasping her bare upper arm, and now it’s just getting ridiculous, these reactions she’s feeling. Her pulse hammering in her ears is louder than the music floating through the night air as she swivels her head towards Murphy with a wry grin.

 

“Sorry. I don’t think I’ve worn a dress since I was eight, maybe. And these shoes don’t help either. I suppose it’s what I get for being a little vain when I picked this long one because it was pretty.”

 

His eyes sweep up and down her body as he releases his grip and holds out his arm for her to take instead. She’s not prepared for the shiver that runs through her, knowing she’s under his scrutiny, and god, what _is_ this, anyhow?

 

Murphy resumes the descent on the stairs, slowing to her pace now that she’s using him for stability. He doesn’t look at her, keeps his eyes straight ahead but his voice is gruff when it eventually comes. “You look alright.”

 

A surprised laugh bubbles out of her throat, getting louder as she accepts just how _Murphy_ it is for him to be unimpressed with finery and appearances. “You know what? Coming from you, I’m going to take that as high praise. Thanks, Murphy.” She’s not just thanking him for the compliment, hopes he knows that she appreciates the whole evening and the literal shoulder to cry on, and when he looks over at her and gives her that genuine smile that too rarely crosses his face, Raven’s pretty sure he figured it out. It’s a good sign, she decides, holding a little tighter to his arm, and in that moment she finally feels the hope for the future she’s been looking for.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I'm working on my other two stories! I'd never abandon you guys, LOL!  
> As always, comments & kudos are hoarded and massively appreciated!


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